I just thought it would be nice to have a thread for general telephone jokes, cartoons and other telephone humor. Got any good ones?
A Proposed Phone Menu:
(Not to make fun of any folks with these actual conditions; just making fun of phone menus in general.) :)
* If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependant, please ask someone else to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 & 6.
* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, please stay on the line so we can trace your call and persecute you.
* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
* If you are dyslexic, press 69696969696969696969696.
* If you have amnesia, press 8, followed by your date of birth, your social security number, home phone number, the square root of 1,555,666,777,888 and your tax code followed by the atomic number for Uranium.
* If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
* If you have BI-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, for gosh sake wait for the beep.
* If you are suffering from short-term memory loss, please press 9.
* If you are suffering from short-term memory loss, please press 9.
* If you have low self esteem, go away, no one can be bothered to talk to you anyway.
***
A Very Busy Lawyer
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details. "
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."
***
Irish Telephones
Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiberoptic network.
Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilization, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.
Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.
Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.
After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine...except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.
A repairman arrived within the hour!
Yip Yips Meet the Telephone!
http://tinyurl.com/cpoy5k ( dead link 12-21-17 )
(Yep yep yep) :D
Little known B movie:
I couldn't resist a little quick re-working in Photoshop...
I'm related to Vincent Price.
Quote from: AtomicEraTom
I'm related to Vincent Price.
Really? Cool! What's the link? The Prices were friends with the Dreyfusses. I have Prices in my family but no connection to Vincent as far as I know. But Andrew Jackson is my seventh uncle.
I'm not sure, but he shows up on the family tree on my grandma's side when I looked into it online.
Very cool Tom. I'm not related to anyone special like that. just Matt.. :)
Oh, and I'm related to Tom Wopat too, he lives a couple towns over in Lodi.
Steve, you're related to Matt?
The only people I'm related to are my parents. I think I might be adopted though... I'm almost certain I'm supposed to be a Vanderbilt.
http://www.gocomics.com/rabbitsagainstmagic/2009/01/20
;D
Hello?
I have exactly one vintage phone, a WE 102, the numbers say made in 1930 which makes it one of the very last manufactured.
On the other hand we have a houseful of vintage stuff, just the usual stuff people have, only older. Our coffee pot is glass percolator, Pyrex 1939. Our hunting rifle is a muzzleloader matchlock. Our radio is a big ol' Kennedy model 20 made in 1930. The Bicycle is a Bruce Gordon touring model from decades ago. The oven a 1950's stovetop. A 1960's tube television (hooked up to cable to get all the modern channels). Et. cetera. The hiking quipment is vintage, a vintage Svea 123 that sings during supper (coleman fuel roarer burner).
The phone works as well as any modern plug in phone and is connected through a Majic Jack and plays and rings loud and clear.
[i mg]h ttps://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/99219676/phone%20download.jpg[/i mg] ( dead link 12-21-17 )
And some more....
Quote from: ldj1002 on April 11, 2013, 11:14:48 AM
Cartoon
See: http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?topic=9078.msg97262#msg97262
I think that is actually the third time that cartoon has been posted here! It is popular at least. Maybe we should have a single pinned topic on the "Across the Web" board for nothing but catoons. I am not certain that "Across the Web" is the correct area but is there a better spot for them?
I see that we do have an OLD topic that was intended to be for Telephone Cartoons and Jokes so I went ahead and merged these two topics together here.
Terry
I don't have a copy of it, but there was a B.C. comic where the guy installed the first phone ever on a tree. Yet after he finishes installing it, it begins to ring!
Quote from: poplar1 on April 12, 2013, 10:36:31 AM
I don't have a copy of it, but there was a B.C. comic where the guy installed the first phone ever on a tree. Yet after he finishes installing it, it begins to ring!
Some of the best funny photos ever, I think appeared on Flintstones (see photo of Betty on the rock-a-phone), and on Green
* Acres (the pole-phone)! Betty must have been calling the guy in the tree!
Dave
* What are you talking abut, Terry? :)
I always wondered how Eddie Albert could hear on that butt set since he always had it upside down.
Quote from: DavePEI on April 12, 2013, 11:16:04 AM
and on Green Gables
Hey are you from PEI or something?!
What about Green Acres, not Anne of Green Gables!
Terry
Quote from: AE_Collector on April 12, 2013, 01:10:24 PM
Quote from: DavePEI on April 12, 2013, 11:16:04 AM
and on Green Gables
Hey are you from PEI or something?!
What about Green Acres, not Anne of Green Gables!
Terry
Must be....
Dave
An Ericophon would look good in the Easter Island picture.
Another Telephone Cartoon - Wired vs. Cellular
Oh, My!
Very appropriate for what's in the news today, Dave. Here's one even more to the point:
I guess this one could go here as well as in this topic:
http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?topic=9420.0
Terry
Quote from: DavePEI on June 06, 2013, 04:33:52 PM
Oh, My!
I'm not surprised about the wiretaps or call record dumps. Rather, what surprises me is the ratio of cell phone lines to real phone lines (5 to 1), although this is somewhat overstated because Verizon has a larger footprint for cell phones and has sold off their traditional lines in places like Vermont.
[from MSN News:]
"Verizon Communications Inc. listed 121 million customers in its first-quarter earnings report this April — 98.9 million wireless customers, 11.7 million residential phone lines and about 10 million commercial lines. The court order didn't specify which customers' records were being tracked.
"Under the terms of the order, the phone numbers of both parties on a call are handed over, as are location data, call duration, unique identifiers, and the time and duration of all calls. The contents of the conversation itself are not covered, The Guardian said."
http://news.msn.com/us/nsa-collecting-phone-records-of-verizon-customers
Saw this today (from tomorrow's comic section), and felt it was apropos for this group...
Jim
That's good, so true.
Very appropriate.
Another good one added to the existing collection.
http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?topic=982.msg146228#msg146228
And then there is this one, my personal favorite, that is somewhere on the forum (and on my hard drive).
I prefer using my black-500 daily driver to find my cell phone, but point made.
Cool! I like that one :D
Great cartoons, please, by all means, keep 'em coming. I get a great big, much needed laugh from each one! Many thanks!
Best regards!
It not a cartoon but it is two pages from MAD Magazine published in May of 1962. It was their 6th Annual Edition of Trash from MAD so this most likely was first published in one of their monthly publications between June 1961 and April 1962.
Who was Alexander Graham Bellinski?
The first Telephone Pole.
I loved MAD magazine back in the day.
Quote from: oldguy on December 24, 2015, 12:04:53 AM
I loved MAD magazine back in the day.
Me too! Cracked, as well.
Best regards!
And where are you going to put yours?
I find it amazing how Mad Magazine predicted the future of the telephone back in 1962. I say that because now we have the card dialers and the phones that change your voice. However, they probably don't work quite like the ones illustrated!
Merry Christmas!
With my warmest regards for all of you, and all of yours!
Bonedaddy
Not phone related but .......
.
More Telephone Humor
saw this today .. on my phone :)
Even more telephone humor . . .
:o
21st century porridge.......
Took a moment to get it.
Not a joke or cartoon, but something to smile at...
scroll a little bit down on this:
The Phone Car (https://myclassicgarage.com/social/posts/155209-insanely-decorated-cars-and-vehicles?utm_source=MyClassicGarage+Emails&utm_campaign=bffe46e108-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2017_07_05&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fded08965b-bffe46e108-272446397) ( dead link 05-29-21 )
Proves beyond an doubt that some people have way too much time on their hands and money to burn. My favorite was "Guitarbike" at the very end. That is an accident waiting to happen. Not on topic wrt telephones but worth posting here for a great head shaker.
I just went back through this thread to check out all the humor. There are some really good ones!
Also a shame so many are gone due to image hosting issues.
This little girl REEEEAAALLLY wants to use the Mattel-O-Phone! Soon death beams will emerge from her eyes!
Quote from: HowardPgh on April 12, 2013, 04:51:48 PM
An Ericophon would look good in the Easter Island picture.
Better late than never, before:
(http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=982.0;attach=4620;image)
After:
This is cute but it will make you feel smart or old or both.
https://youtu.be/XkuirEweZvM
Hhmmmmm..
You might like this one. Dennis
That is true due to the fact that the girl probably has her own cell phone!
The other thing to be concerned about back then was your parents listening in on the kitchen wall phone while you took your call on the upstairs phone.....
Quote from: AL_as_needed on January 23, 2018, 08:56:07 PM
The other thing to be concerned about back then was your parents listening in on the kitchen wall phone while you took your call on the upstairs phone.....
True story: A kid is out partying with his friends, but he's supposed to be home. His home has a phone in the living room, one downstairs and an extension in the parent's bedroom upstairs. He's late, so he knows his parents are already in bed. So, he calls home, and when his mom picks it up from the bedroom, he says "I got it Mom!"
Quote from: Brinybay on January 24, 2018, 12:53:20 AM
True story: A kid is out partying with his friends, but he's supposed to be home. His home has a phone in the living room, and an extension in the parent's bedroom upstairs. He's late, so he knows his parents are already in bed. So, he calls home, and when his mom picks it up from the bedroom, he says "I got it Mom!"
Well, what if she was grabbing a late night snack in the kitchen (or waiting from him to come home on the living room couch) and picked up the living room phone? If that was the case, the "I got it Mom" takes on a whole 'nother meaning, I'm sure he got it.
Quote from: TelePlay on January 24, 2018, 04:41:12 PM
Well, what if she was grabbing a late night snack in the kitchen (or waiting from him to come home on the living room couch) and picked up the living room phone? If that was the case, the "I got it Mom" takes on a whole 'nother meaning, I'm sure he got it.
I forgot to add that his room is downstairs and a phone down there. The rest of the story goes that it only worked once. Apparently the parents found out and then he had to tell them in person when he got home.
Im sure you didn't need to pick up a phone to overhear that conversation. :-[
In today's comic section... (Sunday, April 29, 2018)
(Feel free to move or combine with another topic...)
Jim
Thanks for posting! When I read the comics this morning, I had the same thought.
Another one from the comics...
Jim
Here's one from my collection
How many get this?
Taco Bell, that was a subsidiary of Southwestern Bell if memory serves correct. ;D
Here's where I first saw that term used. Someone's idea of what all the Bell companies should have been renamed after divestiture. I think I saved it from eBay once.
Oh I like that! Was there an extra toll charge for connecting to Hell's Bell?
Geico commercial
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsqRfqkN9XM
https://www.arcamax.com/newspics/164/16493/1649333.gif
;D
.
:) ;D :)
-
;D
.
;D
Saw this on another forum today. This was about the only use I got from a payphone as a child.
Quote from: 19and41 on November 23, 2018, 05:50:35 PM
Saw this on another forum today. This was about the only use I got from a payphone as a child.
Especially back when candy bars were a nickle!
Added benefits.
Finally switched from a POTS line to VOIP.
Nice set-up! How's the sound quality on those?
Quote from: AL_as_needed on January 24, 2019, 08:13:47 PM
Nice set-up! How's the sound quality on those?
. . . a little tinny.
Quote from: TelePlay on January 23, 2019, 01:49:45 AM
Finally switched from a POTS line to VOIP.
I can see it's a multi-line as well.
Found on FB.
I received this birthday card from my Son, daughter-in-law and grand kids today. Sign of the times. Click to enlarge.
Jeff Lamb
Quote from: 19and41 on January 09, 2019, 05:11:07 PM
Added benefits.
One of them isn't even electronic, the table-top Victrola is entirely acoustic.
.
It made me chuckle.
Jim
Had to search for this joke, as I thought it was on this particular thread. This one "dsk" posted on a different thread, and I'd gotten enough of a chuckle from it that I copy/pasted it into a Word document for posterity:
http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?topic=17780
Enjoy... ;D
Thassagood'n!
:)
You might want to put a tone on it before you go up there!
Probably the best one I've seen.
It is so true!
Saw this today.
~
Hehehe.....
~
~
I believe it...
A little phone humour.
Thanks for that!
Interesting how many of us have and are still having conversations with younger folks about those kind of things.
We are losing our heritage folks.
We neglected to teach our kids how we got to where we are.
When we are gone, no one will care or remember any of our past.
The things we hold onto, will have no place.
Seems like a plastic world :-\
Make me sad for my grand children. EOT
I enjoy talking to my kids about how calls were made eairly on, using rotary dials that sent pulses down the line and those were interpreted to digits.
My oldest still likes hearing about them, where my ten year old doesnt seen so interested anymore.
But he likes my collection of tools and my new helmet.
And don't we all need some...
Just about right. LOL
'So, this lockdown — what's it like?'
Call Girl.....
This does involve what passes for telephone communication these days...
This is a picture from an actual listing on Ebay for a reproduction candlestick telephone from India.
If I understand the instructions correctly, I continue to listen to the dial tone until it times out, and then I drop the receiver?
https://www.ebay.com/itm/313520831863?hash=item48ff4c3d77:g:mD4AAOSwcflglO23
:)
;D
Wonder if anything like this was envisioned 60 years ago in our wonderful world of the future?
This one is a bit naughty, but it would be fun to be in on the joke in an elevator full of people...
That reminds me of when I used to make the most convincing, undetectable noises on the trains in Germany. It was effective in getting a compartment to myself and friends, while stationed there.
Todays Dilbert.
:)
Love the one about the payphone, and them not fixing it until it starts giving the money back.
Mike
This one is a rather long one... Fernand Raynaud, le 22 à Asnières! One of the most popular french sketches of the twentieth century. it caricatured quite well the appalling french network's state in the 1960's (and I must say, most of La Poste employees are still as welcoming as prison doors nowadays)
https://www.ina.fr/ina-eclaire-actu/video/i06268515/fernand-raynaud-le-22-a-asnieres
The scene takes place in Paris. Asnières is a neghbouring suburb. Most of french exchanges were still manually operated back then.
Translation (may sound a bit strange, english is not my mother tongue, and google translate helped a bit):
HIM - Uh ... Hey-ho? Miss the P.T.T. employee? Hey-ho? You are behind your counter, there ... Hey! Are you sleeping ?
OPERATOR - Can't you see I'm doing my totals, can you?
HIM - What are you doing?
OPERATOR - My totals!
HE - Well, if you're doing your totals ... Anyway, in the post office, it is your counter one has to come to make calls, right? ... Hey!
OPERATOR - You're a pain! What do you want?
HIM - I would like to make a phone call.
OPERATOR - To whom?
HIM - I would like to call Asnières 22.
OPERATOR - Can't go by bike, can you? Hello ? Hello, exchange? ... Isn't that Zézette's voice? How are you, Zézette? This is Monique! What are you doing at the exchange? You have been transferred? Oh ! Okay, okay. Where did you go to dance on Saturday? At the Wagram? Well, I don't go there anymore. Oh no, that's too snobbish. And your sister ? She is sick ? Oh well, so much the better. So much the better, so much the better. Does she have social security? Well, then she can go dancing all week. Why is that you called me? Did I call you? Oh ? Oh, well, yes, what do you want there?
HIM - I would like to call Asnières 22.
OPERATOR - Hello? Asnières 22, please. That's it. You call me back? Bye. Kiss you. Kiss your sister for me too.
...
HIM - Do you think it's going to be long? May not know, of course. With all those cable in front of you... Oh, sorry sir.
CUSTOMER 2 - Oh, please. Miss, speak english?
OPERATOR - No.
CLIENT 2 - For San Francisco, "Cent Francs six Co" for you, X, six, four, three, five. San Francisco, X6435.
OPERATOR - I didn't understand anything.
CLIENT 2 - San Francisco, six, four, three, two, X, five.
OPERATOR - Hello? Hello ? Yes, radio booth, please. To San Francisco. San Francisco, Pennsylvania. I would like the 6325X5. In San Francisco. You got it directly, over the radio? San Francisco, booth 6!
HIM- And my Asnières? I was riding my bike, and then I had a puncture. And I am to be introduced to my future mother-in-law, if I ever arrive late ... You know what it is. Oh, sorry sir.
CLIENT 3- Oh, I'm sorry. Miss, I would like to call Liège, une fois, Mr. Van Der Brock, uh, Van Der Brück. 75, Boulevard...
OPERATOR- How much did you say? (note: impossible to translate. French an Belgian people do not say the same words at all for numbers from 70 to 99- here belgian= septante-cinq, french: soixante-quinze)
CLIENT 3- 75.
OPERATOR- How much is that, 75?
CLIENT 3- Well, it's a 95 (note: here belgian= nonante-cinq, while french= quatre-vingt-quinze) minus 20. I would like to call Liège une fois, Mr. Van der Brück, not Van Der brück, Van der Brock. Van Der Brück? I can't remember his phone number at all. Booh! I'm not drunk, you're going to shut up a bit, wife, it's impossible, this woman who's following me everywhere. Booh, I'm not drunk, not with the beer I drank, 1 Franc, you're going to shut up at once ? I know he's a butcher, do you think it's possible to ...?
OPERATOR- Doesn't know what he wants, this one. Hello. Liège please! Belgium. Hello, listen, I need a Van Der... How is your Van Der, is he Brock or Brück? He's Brock! So we don't have the address, we don't have the phone number, but it seems he may be a butcher.... Well, just have a look in the professionals' section. Ah, you're already looking in, found it, very well. Liège, booth 5!
HIM- And my Asnières?
OPERATOR No, really, you're not alone here, are you?
HIM- It's beginning to get a bit long, isn't it? Oh, sorry sir.
CUSTOMER 4- Fräulein, bitte! Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
OPERATOR- mm, mm.
CUSTOMER 4- Für Berlin. Herr Karl von Strassen, Zwei Alexanderplatz. Telefon Vierundzwanzig, bitte.
OPERATOR - Oh well, at least he knows what he wants. Hello ? Berlin please! Hello, berlin? Ja! Hier ist gross Paris! Telefon Vierundzwanzig, Herr Karl, what's the name? Herr Karl von Strassen. Telefon vierundzwanzig. Hey, listen to what I'm telling you! If you're talking all the time ... Vier-und-zwan-zig! Like twelve, two times. Ja! Ja. Yes, very well. Thank you. Berlin, booth 5!
CUSTOMER 4- Was?
OPERATOR- Berlin, booth fünf.
CUSTOMER 4- Danke schön.
OPERATOR- Bitte schön.
CUSTOMER 4- Auf wiedersehen.
HIM- And my Asnières? ... Couldn't I get New York?
OPERATOR - Oh, you gotta know what you want, right?
HIM- I want New York. It's my right, isn't it?
OPERATOR- Well, if you want New York, you'll have New York. Hello, New York please. No no, New York, quite simply, he wants New York. New York ! Very well, thank you thank you thank you. New York, booth 1!
HIM- Hello? Hello, New York? Couldn't you switch to Asnières 22?
🎄 :) 🎄
~
THAT is funny!
Thanks for sharing (I stole it)
~
🎄 ;D 🎄
:)
I was working in the basement with bluetooth headphones on and listening to youtube comedians.
Here is a youtube clip with phone-related humor, I took a break and watched the whole set.
Titled 'Boomer Triggers Gen-Z Snowflakes. Brad Upton'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1Zg2S2-heY
The phone stuff starts at 1:36and ends at 4:52.
It is worth watching from the beginning.
The entire clip is funny to me.
JMO,
Jim
Jim
:)
:D ;D
A little more light hearted fun...
:)
:)
good ones CJ :) :)
Today's B.C.
:)
;D
http://www.classicrotaryphones.com/forum/index.php?action=dlattach;attach=370117;image
This gag reminded me of a recent trip to Nantes. On the tram there was a small child in his pushchair (stroller). So young he was still unable to talk but his parents had given him his own phone to amuse him whilst they sat and looked at theirs. He was already pretty good with his thumbs playing whatever the game was on screen.
Then me and the person I was with noticed the child had a better iPhone than either of us did. :o
(to understand the gag, a doudou is a small handkerchief sized security blanket carried by a toddler).
Published in 1919, an understatement:
"This 103 years old comic about what would happen if "pocket telephones" would be invented. (W. K. Haselden's 'The Pocket Telephone: When Will it Ring?' was first published in The Mirror on March 1919)"
Wow, that was spot on coming from 1919.
:)