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Telephone Jokes, Cartoons and Humor

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I just thought it would be nice to have a thread for general telephone jokes, cartoons and other telephone humor.  Got any good ones?

A Proposed Phone Menu:

(Not to make fun of any folks with these actual conditions; just making fun of phone menus in general.) :)

    * If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.

    * If you are co-dependant, please ask someone else to press 2 for you.

    * If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 & 6.

    * If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, please stay on the line so we can trace your call and persecute you.

    * If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

    * If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    * If you are dyslexic, press 69696969696969696969696.

    * If you have amnesia, press 8, followed by your date of birth, your social security number, home phone number, the square root of 1,555,666,777,888 and your tax code followed by the atomic number for Uranium.

    * If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

    * If you have BI-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, for gosh sake wait for the beep.

    * If you are suffering from short-term memory loss, please press 9.

    * If you are suffering from short-term memory loss, please press 9.
    * If you have low self esteem, go away, no one can be bothered to talk to you anyway.


A Very Busy Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details. "

Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."


Irish Telephones

Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiberoptic network.

Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilization, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.

Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.

Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine...except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.

A repairman arrived within the hour!

Yip Yips Meet the Telephone!

http://tinyurl.com/cpoy5k  ( dead link 12-21-17 )

(Yep yep yep) :D

Little known B movie:

I couldn't resist a little quick re-working in Photoshop...


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